Wife from hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his
wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took
it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back
pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You
never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

(I love this part....)